How to Build a Community in Your City – Get Together Book Notes
I’ve advised dozens of young community builders over the years. Nascent leaders with a vision to gather their people around something meaningful–usually in the event space. I’ve asked them questions, stoked their passions, diagnosed their sticking points, and given them timely recommendations. Some started communities, some fizzled out, others grew and thrived.
But old advice be damned. My new recommendation is, read Get Together. Actually, read Seth Godin’s seminal Tribes, too.
This book won’t be a revolution for a veteran gatherer, but it is the perfect starting place for a budding leader with an idea. You’ll get a roadmap, inspiring stories, and a great foundation.
Whether your community is a party series, a running club, a meditation gathering, or a political movement, the same three principles apply:
Gather your kindling
Stoke the fire
Pass the torch
Below, I’ve blended quotes from the book with my own paraphrasings, margin notes, and examples.
Part 1: Gather Kindling
Your kindling is the starter culture that will seed the growth of your community. It’s basically a human SCOBY.
How to gather your Kindling:
Personal outreach to friends is key in the beginning.
Send a smoke signal before you launch.
This might be a blog post, social post, or some other manifesto.
Talk about who you want to gather and why you want to get together.
Create a bit of structure before your first gathering. This could be your Why or a mission statement.
Nearly every challenge of building community can be met by asking yourself, “How do I achieve this by working with my people, not doing it for them.” In other words, approach community building as progressive acts of collaboration – doing more with others every step of the way.
“How do I achieve this by working with my people, not doing it for them?”
Collaborate with existing members to proactively invite and welcome new types of people who connect with your purpose.
Your Kindling’s first gathering:
Make it purposeful. Start with Why.
Make it participatory AF.
Don’t just talk at people the whole time.
They’ll buy into the vision most when they are speaking, so make sure they speak a lot. There are lots of psychological principles at work here:
They will want to look virtuous in front of others. Give them a chance to.
They’ll commit more to an idea if they believe they came up with it. So stoke their passions and get them talking.
If they commit to an idea in a group setting, their ego is now on the line. They’re way more likely to follow through because of the consistency principle.
Make it repeatable.
Iron out your team’s meeting schedule at the end of your first meeting.
This is a chance to build with members, not for them.
“Do you guys want to meet again? Maybe bi-weekly? Yeah? Great. What day of the week works for y’all?”
Practice generous authority. Guide the discussion with kindness but know what you want.
“A gathering run on generous authority is run with a strong, confident hand, but is run selflessly, for the sake of others.”
People are showing up for a shared purpose, not to watch you realize it for them.
If you do the work to get people talking, members of your community will be able to swap stories, support each other, and pursue collective goals.
“People show up for the meetup, but they come back for the people.”
The richer the 1:1 connections between members, the stronger the community.
Create spaces where members can freely connect on their own time.
Where will members talk to each other without always going through a facilitator?
How will members find each other online and offline?
Regarding online communication:
Start members off on a platform they’re comfortable with.
You can generate buy-in by asking them which platform they want to use.
Get members talking:
Provide a platform (on or offline)
Remember it’s scary for folks to talk to strangers. Respect this.
Give them a flimsy excuse to talk (a conversation prompt for example).
Model good participation (such as being vulnerable first).
Make introductions for newbies (mention an interesting detail about the person when making an introduction).
Part 2: Stoke the Fire
Establish your origin story:
Step one in attracting new members is crafting your origin story. Your origin story will give both existing and prospective community members the language they need to explain what your community is and why it formed in the first place.
Prioritize this story over other identity documents. Stories are aligned with how the brain works.
Make damn sure members are clear on your Why and your origin story.
The story can’t be just about you.
The Public Narrative Method for Community Storytelling
This was invented by Marshall Ganz, a Harvard lecturer who designed the grassroots organizing model for Obama’s 2008 campaign.
Tell the story of self:
Describe the moment that you started on the path to rally your community.
Make it personal. What made you start caring? Use details.
Tell the story of us:
Show that it’s bigger than you.
What do you believe is made possible when this group comes together? This is also your community’s purpose.
Tell the story of now:
What’s one small, immediate way someone can get involved? (A meetup, newsletter... sign a petition?)
Why should they do so now? Urgency is powerful – use it.
A Personal Example of the Public Narrative Method
Using my Ecstatic Playground event series as an example.
Story of Self: I moved to Miami lonely and starved for human connection. I started going to conscious events, but I missed long nights of music, improv, and silly games with my friends. So I decided to create an event where silliness and spirituality could co-exist.
Story of Us: Play-positive spaces are so rare in our society. There are few places custom-built to unleash our fullest expression as funny, creative, and musical individuals. When we come together to unleash our full silliness, we stoke a fire within ourselves that we can carry into our everyday lives. We become a permission slip for others to express themselves.
Story of Now: Our community is always evolving with new people bringing their unique energies. We have a workshop coming up, want to stay up to date? [Hands them a discount card with a link to Ecstatic Playground’s Instagram.]
Just me being goofy at Ecstatic Playground.
Why share your origin story?
Communicate the depth (umami) of the experience. “We’re part of something important here”
Equip people to invite their family and friends
Be consistent in how you communicate your story.
Over the years, I’ve changed my origin stories so many times with various ventures. This left people confused over how to explain these projects and event concepts to their friends.
What gets repeated gets remembered.
In politics, you only get to introduce about six ideas per year.
Share the recruiting responsibility.
You can’t expect people to recruit others without a nudge. Make it clear to members that their active involvement is crucial to ensuring the vitality and success of the community.
Make sharing your content easy, even exciting for them.
Ex.) Downtown Girls Basketball: “Each week without fail, Aria takes a team photo at halftime… before practice wraps, she offers to share the team pic with anyone who wants it.”
Question: What are the share-able assets for your community? Photos?
Wield your spotlight:
Put a spotlight on inspiring people in your community.
Celebrate what standout participation looks like. This motivates other members similar to how a video game leadership board does.
Devote resources and time to regularly seeking out new narratives from members of your community and then publish them widely.
Ex.) How has being part of this community changed your life?
Equip people with badges to show their pride.
Rapha Sportswear makes custom badges for each city’s Rapha community. And they look super dope.
Lesson: Make it legitimately cool as fuck for people to rep your community. Mediocre design will hold your movement back.
How to cultivate your community’s identity:
Badges
Codify your signature rituals:
What rituals are we elevating?
Develop a shared language
Ex.) Dead-heads, Beyhive, etc…
Teach your members new concepts/words and repeat them for a shared culture.
Pay attention to who keeps showing up.
If people aren’t showing up consistently, you have a leaky bucket. Work on your fundamentals (experience design).
Look for hand-raisers. They have the potential to become leaders in your community.
Always be listening to and checking in with your community.
Especially when you’re changing things.
It’s a good sign when members communicate frustrations to you. It means they’re invested.
“The death knell for a community manager is to not listen.” – Mia Quagliarello, Youtube’s first community manager.
Part 3: Pass the Torch
Create more leaders.
Shifting your mindset from stoking the fire to passing the torch is key to building and sustaining your community.
You must learn to relinquish control. Rule of thumb: If someone can do something 80% as well as you, it’s worth delegating.
Help people grow into new roles over time. Increase responsibility in alignment with their energy.
How to delegate effectively:
When passing the torch, break leadership into manageable chunks. Get creative with it. Trust that people will grow.
Give new leaders just enough structure for them to meet the challenge of the role.
Structure breeds confidence. Freedom breeds ownership. Balance both.
Be a Keymaker for your leaders.
In The Matrix Reloaded, the Keymaker is a character who magically pulls out a key to unlock a door at exactly the time it’s needed.
Think “Just in time,” not “Just in case.”
Map out the leadership journey:
Your goal is to create a potent system of support instead of a bunch of disparate, semi-helpful resources.
Start by mapping the big rocks with pen and paper.
A great example of EDCAMP mapping how they spread their events to a new city. Source: Get Together.
Celebrate successes with your team and community. When you gather, be sure to reflect on your progress and your shared story.
